Crying Over Spilled Milk

Today, my friend Kirsten pointed out a hilarious theme in my marriage thus far.
First, she reminded me of how Daniel and I argued during our engagement over what kind of milk we were going to buy: regular milk, or Hatcher Nectar of Life. Produced right here in Middle Tennessee, Hatcher Dairy's non homogenized milk is clearly what God had in mind when he made cows. Its flavor is sweet, rich, and deliciously creamy. So what if it has a few chunks in it? I enjoy few things more than a cold glass of Hatcher Dairy milk, and don't mind drinking around a little cream. However, since the mere thought of finding a "fat plug," as he affectionately calls it, at the top of a carton makes Daniel nauseous, this is a luxury I sacrificed when I entered the bonds of matrimony. It was for the well being of our marriage, and though it was worth it, every day I feel the sting of life without Hatcher.

She then recounted how, after our first couple of months of marriage, I almost wept for joy when Daniel finally brought home salted butter from the store. Prior to this gesture, we had kind of a silent war going on- whoever made it to Kroger first got to choose whether the butter was salted or unsalted. "What", I asked on a semi daily basis, "is the point of unsalted butter? You're just spreading a layer of tasteless fat on your toast!" The day I opened the refrigerator door and realized that Daniel had sacrificed whatever affinity he had for that bland stuff for the sake of my happiness, I knew he must really love me. It was the most romantic thing he's ever done. To his credit, he's done many more conventionally romantic things, but somehow, this meant more.

This afternoon, I showed up on Kirsten's doorstep, my cheeks stained with tears. As she let me in, I explained, "I'm having a meltdown over butter!"
"I know it's silly," I laughed. "But I used the last of our butter in that stupid cake last night. Now I'm about to make french bread with dinner and I really want butter, but we're out of money. I'm always a good sport when money is low, so I don't know why this is getting to me! I know it's not a big deal, but I think the fact that it's such a small thing is what makes it easy to feel sorry for myself. 'We can't even have butter'...you know? That kind of thing."
"I understand," she answered. "It's totally natural for you to feel defeated, and the fact that you haven't let it get you down before probably means that all the stress is concentrated in this one thing, and you feel like it's all about the butter, but really, it's more than that." (after a brief pause,) "have you noticed, though, that you are kind of emotional about dairy products?"
Being the sweet friend that Kirsten is, she empathized, made me some chai tea, lent me some butter and sent me on my way feeling more than refreshed.

After I left, I got a text from Sarah Emily asking if I'd like to hang out. Earlier, Daniel had suggested inviting Nate for dinner, so I decided since we'd have plenty of food we should make a little party out of spaghetti night. I called Kirsten, and soon, the five of us were hanging out at our house, laughing and breaking bread together. Bread with precious butter.

I learned a few things today. First of all, I learned that money matters to me more than I like to think it does. I didn't used to think of myself as someone who cared about money because I'd never really had to go without. Over the past few months, we've seen our ups and downs financially, and Daniel has commended me for how well I've adjusted to our new lifestyle thus far. But I realized today that I need to be vigilant about those feelings of discontent that will creep in during times when we have to sacrifice luxuries. I also realized that the things that are going to get me down are almost always going to be small, but Daniel and I don't have to look very far to realize that we're extremely blessed. Tonight, we were surrounded by friends who love us like we're family, and that is no small thing. In fact, it's one of the most valuable things we'll ever attain.